the rest is still unwritten...

don't quit

2012-01-20T13:02:00.007-07:00

don't quit when the tide is lowest,

for it's just about to turn;

don't quit over doubts and questions,

for there's something you may learn.

don't quit when the night is darkest.

for it's just a while 'til dawn;

don't quit when you've run the farthest,

for the race is almost won.

don't quit when the hill is steepest,

for your goal is almost nigh;

don't quit, for you're not a failure

until you fail to try.

~jill wolf

happy birthday to my baby boy

2012-01-17T10:33:00.016-07:00

it's hard to believe that 17 years ago today I was blessed with my third son.

i remember just like it was yesterday when he was born, every little detail.

this momma's boy has truly grown into a wonderful young man.

he is caring, kind, loving, athletic, friendly, helpful, a hard worker and tender hearted.

happy birthday dallin!

so glad to have you in my life.

i'm honored to be your mom.

I love you!!

1.12.12

2012-01-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

its truly hard for me to believe that 12 days have gone by and i have yet to post in the new year. these last twelve days have been very busy for me. sometimes i don't know if i am coming or going.

i finally opened up the classroom for {one little word} yesterday and felt so overwhelmed. i know this class is truly going to help me this year. i know my one little word "trust" will be a great word for me to listen to as well. just finding and making time to really work with my word has been tough. i know that at the end of 2012 this word will be in my heart forever. i believe in this process...i just want the time to work it! anyone else feel the same?

i was truly inspired by ali's words in this class. her heart is so loving that you can just feel it all the way through your own computer as you listen. i know that each of us have a path. each of us has a purpose. each of us struggle. i know that if you listen with your heart, you will know what you need to do. i know that you will follow the right course. i just have to remember to breathe and put one foot in front of the other.

right now...i do not "trust" myself with my health. i know that i need to get with the program! i know i need to get healthy for me and my family. i am good for a week or two and then...NOTHING! i know that no one else can light a fire under me to get moving. it's just nice to have someone there to start it with though.

as i continue to "trust" this process and myself i hope to find a new improved mE.
a person i love.
a person who is healthy.
a person who found her aRt again.
a person who has forgiven herself.
a person who is happy.
a person who can love completely.
a person who knows who SHE is.
a person who can continue to forgive.
a person who is ok with change.
a person who speaks kindly.
a person who seeks good friends.
a person who can "trust".
a person who is willing to let go.
a person who is ready to fly.
a person who is always moving forward.

poem by lao tzu

welcome twenty12...i'm "trusting" that you will be good!!

goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T13:18:00.003-07:00

i still can't put my head around it that 2011 will be over in a matter of hours. that 2012 will be here in no time. all year i kept saying "this year seems to be flying by". now as i look back on it, it really did. a lot has happened in 2011 and i know much of what has happened i have not accepted. there is much i learned and a lot i didn't take advantage of in 2011. there are a lot of things i wish to forget. there are many of things i will NEVER forget. as the years keep coming {faster it feels like} i want to make wiser decisions on how to remember the years gone by. i want to make each year more meaningful to me. i want to cherish it more, love it more, nurture it, remember it, honor it and lay it to rest.

i am going to start 2012 with a challenge. i am going to choose ONE LITTLE WORD to live with for the entire year. this concept was started and created by {ali edwards}. you can read more about one little word {HERE}. i have struggled to pick just the right word {this is very tough}. i don't know if it's because it's my first time, because there are so many good words or just nerves. i have been shuffling a few words around but this one keeps coming back to me. i. don't. know. why. i am trying not to allow other people's words to influence me in choosing my word. after reading ali's statement of choosing a word..."This is not your mother's word or your spouse's word or your child's word - this is YOUR word" and how some words "choose YOU" i have finally decided.

my one little word:

trust:noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

this word chose me. it kept coming back to me. i don't know why or how it will apply to me in 2012 but it's mY word. as i embark on this new journey with one little word. i hope you will join in as well. {HERE} i am expecting 2012 to be an eventful and memorable year for me. here are just some of the reasons why...

i will turn the big 4-o
i will have been married for 2 years
i will have 2 children in their 2o's
i will be sharing in my little girl turning sweet 16
i will be watching my youngest son drive
i will be living my one little word
i will be setting some new goals
i will be remembering and cherishing each day
i will become healthier
i will fight my depression
i will run again
i will love deeper
i will fly
i will strengthen my friendships
i will cherish life
i will heal
i will take on new adventures
i will meet more of my extended family
i will listen
i will strengthen my marriage
i will learn
i will stand strong
i will allow more people in
i will walk with my head held high
i will smile more
i will live
i will be enough
i will be brave
i will make time for myself
i will remember...i AM a survivor

i am so blessed to be alive and learn from my past. as i welcome 2012, i hope to live my life for me. NOT for anyone else. i hope to learn every day and make myself aware of that very moment. all that it has, all that i can learn from, all that it will give me.

i am thankful for YOU! for you jumping in on my joyride of a journey. for sharing with me, carrying me, teaching me and loving me. i am blessed to have you in my life. i am grateful to call you friend.

happy new year's eve. may you have a safe & wonderful evening. may 2012 become a great year!

{hugs}
connie

repost of sticks & stones...

2011-12-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

{12.14.09 this time it was

one of my children getting hurt, not me}

**special warning**
before you read this please forgive me if i may hurt anyones feelings. that is not my intention at all! i write these words to let others know how harmful it is when you say bad things to others. as we teach others, our children and ourselves please remember names DO hurt as well as sticks and stones. if you choose not to read any further, i totally understand. it's not like i would know anyways. i just feel this is what i really need to get off my mind today.

"sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me."

i often wondered why it is that someone has to put someone else down to feel good about themselves. why they have to lash out, say bad names and curse.

is this to make them feel better?

is it so they can feel powerful?

is it because they know how the other person will feel?

is it to make a point?

i'm not sure at all why one would do this. all i know is when it happens to me, i have to remember...

what someone else says or thinks of me is none of MY business.

what they feel they need to do is only to make them feel good.

it's sad, it truly is.

you know bones heal, but names haunt you. they make you doubt yourself, wonder what you may have done to deserve the name calling, it makes you wonder the truthfulness of the calling.

i know that i am only accountable for me. that it is also my job to TEACH my children how hurtful this is. to teach them that it's NOT nice to call names, make fun of others or pick fights. it's truly sad when all of this comes from adults and they feel the need to put others down.

shame on YOU!!

what a poor excuse of an example you are. may you NEVER have someone knock you down or your children. as that would be the true sadness.

words DO hurt people!

traditions...lOvE them!

2011-12-19T23:25:00.001-07:00

one of our family traditions is to have a bake day with oma {my mom}. we seriously bake all day making cookies, candies and breads. then when we are done we will make goodie plates for family, friends and our neighbors. this is something we have been doing since my kids could walk. oh to look back at all the pictures and the wonderful memories is just AWESOME!!

this year we did all the baking at my house. we also invited trevor & dallin's girlfriends {kyah & adeline}. we got a late start on saturday and had a couple not so good turn outs but accomplished much. yet, there were no frosted sugar cookies. so on sunday we baked some more and MORE!! i think i finished at about um, midnight! i left the frosting of those remaining cookies for today.

we ended up making peppermint sugar cookies {thanks heather for the recipe and the cookies}, peanut blossoms, no bakes, frosted and decorated sugar cookies, niemen marcus cookies, carmel brownies {which didn't turn out}, chocolate peanut butter fudge, white candy, toffee and 12 loaves of banana bread! we figured out we have about 18 plates to make up and deliver today.

i think what i loved and cherished most about this tradition and weekend was just being with my family! teaching them, watching them, sharing with them, laughing with them and loving them. spending the time with them for 2 whole days. teenagers and young adults may i remind you! i loved spending the time with my mom as well. this was SO needed. i think for the both of us!

this is a tradition that will NEVER get old for me. i am so blessed my mom started it so many years ago. i only hope i may carry this wonderful tradition on with my grandchildren as she has. {ok, now i'm crying}

i am truly blessed! these past few months have had there ups and downs and i can honestly say...this weekend took that all away.

this weekend showed me what is most important to me.

this weekend filled my heart.

this weekend made me laugh and cry.

this weekend i remembered those who left us way too soon.

this weekend taught me so much.

this weekend i loved deeply.

this weekend i gave much.

this weekend was really special to me.

this weekend was AWESOME.

this weekend MEMORIES were made.

this weekend will always be PRICELESS.

i hope you all have a fuN, fabulous weekend making memories with those you love. i am blessed every day with so much. i am grateful for all of my trials and tribulations as they have brought me right here. to this very place. to this very moment. for that i am one truly happy, brave, strong, loving girl!

what family traditions do you LOVE?

loving YOU

2011-12-13T16:22:00.018-07:00

today i am filled with loVe.

thanks for continuing to go along on this journey with me.

i hope your day is filled with all the things you love and hold dear.

i hope to catch you all up as soon as life slows down, lol.

don't think that will happen anytime soon.

so this is it for now...

know you are loved, yes YOU!!

connie

missing my little brother

2011-11-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

*please turn off my music playlist before watching this video*

i heard this song today and i broke down into tears. while listening to the words i thought of my brother, jeremy. i realized how much i love him and miss him. thank you for serving our country little brother. i know what a sacrifice it is to serve. i know the choices you make are bettering you and your family. you are such a hard worker and it shows. you are always thinking of others and trying to make their lives easier. know that i love you and i'm grateful for all the things you do to make this life a better place for all.

all. most. caught. up.

2011-11-18T13:05:00.001-07:00

i have been journaling my attitudes of gratitude but have not gotten them up on my blog.
gosh it's been really hard to catch up.
i am doing it though!
it is one thing i feel strongly about.
sometimes it's just the smallest simplest things you have or do that you should be grateful for.

today i realized i am truly grateful for the internet.
it has blessed my life in more ways than i can count.
i am grateful for my blog as well.
i started it way back in 2007 as a {21 day challenge} i took from {rhonna farrer}.
since then i have been blogging now for 4 years.
i may not be faithful in doing it every day but i try.
my blog is for mE.
a place to write about my everyday doings,
what my kiddos and family are up to,
memories i want to share and keep,
my attitudes of gratitudes,
birthdays,
friends,
retreats,
a quote or two,
a trial i may be going through,
a heartache i am dealing with,
a wish,
a prayer,
just the every day joy rides of my life!

wishing you a fabulous day my friends.
you are amaZing and thanks for blessing my life.

{{hugs}}

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-13T11:08:00.001-07:00

day 13:

i am grateful for my circle of friends.

i am truly blessed to have good, true, REAL friends in my life.

friends ~
...who lift me up when i fall.
...hold my hand when i am scared.
...that love me unconditionally.
...who don't judge me.
...who are good examples in my life.
...that are honest and don't lie to me.
...that pray for me.
...who constantly check on me.
...that laugh with me not at me.
...who cry with me.
...who shop with me.
...who believe in God.
...who uplift my soul.
...that listen to me.
...that know my inner secrets and don't share them with other.
...that give me wonderful advice.
...who live their truths.
...who make mistakes.

friends that know my heart & soul!

i know that YOU know who YOU are. if not...i am telling YOU now.
THANK YOU for being my friend.
YOU brighten my life and leave footprints in my heart.

“many people will walk in and out of your life,

but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”

~eleanor roosevelt

day 13: what are you grateful for tOdaY?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-12T11:04:00.001-07:00

day 12:

grateful for food that nourishes and heals my body.

tomato basil bisque soup & salad

ok, so maybe not the bread sticks but my meal was YUMMY!! i am trying to still figure this whole food thing out. baby steps. i know that even the simplest thing can throw me into a serious headache and the shakes. i am trying really hard to adjust to my hypoglycemic diagnose. i am truly grateful i can still eat these wonderful foods, as many others can not.

day 12: what food are you grateful for?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-11T10:16:00.003-07:00

day 11:

today is veteran's day and oh how grateful i am.

my attitude towards all veterans past and present is so overwhelming. my heart is so full. i have had many of my family members serve this great country of ours. thank you is not enough! yet, the words must be said. take time today {and every day} to salute them and tell them "thank you". they really do allow us to live free and are so, so BRAVE!

my brother on leave 2010 with my boys

DAY 11: PLEASE thank a vet today!

atitude of gratitude

2011-11-10T09:09:00.001-07:00

day 10:

today i am grateful for airplanes. yes, i said airplanes!

isn't it amaZing how far we have come with our ways of transportation? we can now get to places all over the world so much faster than horse and buggy, lol. i have been blessed with having no fear of flying. to me it is relaxing and pretty cool. i have gone many places, seen many places and eNjoYed many people, family and friends just by walking onto a plane. i am grateful for the many pilots as well who have devoted many hours of learning and flying to make me have no fear and eNjoY my little trips.

day 10: what are you grateful for?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-09T09:49:00.003-07:00

day 9:

i am so grateful for {rhonda}.

rhonda has been doing my hair for about 10-11 years now. she knows me! she gets me! i went to cosmetology school and have no fear of change when it comes to my hair. i know i can go to rhonda and trust her to make me beautiful! she is not only my friend, she has taken my family's pictures as well {great photographer}. she is one great friend to have in my life!! i love getting my hair done because as she washes it, you receive a mini neck rub. seriously the BEST part!! jk, but it is a wonderful relaxing rub to a great hair do. i am blessed that you allow me to chat with you about my life and all the good {sometimes the not so good} that i deal with on a daily bases. i guess i could say you are a great counselor too!

thanks rhonda cook solomon for not only making me look good... but feel good as well. i love you and i am so grateful to have you in my life. YOU seriously make me smile.

day 9: what simple pleasure are you grateful for?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-08T00:07:00.002-07:00

day 8:

today i am very grateful for prayers.

i know they are heard.
i know they are answered.
i know that through prayers all things are possible.
i know that no matter what the answer may be, it is what God has in store for me at that time.
i know that through prayer we may help others, comforted others as well as ourselves.
i am thankful and truly grateful for the POWER of prayer.
i know that prayers have truly blessed my life.
i know that even though i don't feel like praying, God knows my heart.
i know i am very grateful today for God hearing and answering my prayers.

day 8: how has prayer blessed your life?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-07T23:41:00.001-07:00

day 7:

patience!

today was a long busy day. i am grateful for the knowledge i have, as i learn patience. it's not always easy to wait...

day 7: what are you grateful for today?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-06T23:26:00.000-07:00

day 6:

i am grateful to give service. i am truly blessed that i was taught to serve others. not only are you helping others but you are helping yourself. you are giving selfishly to someone who is asking for nothing in return. i love the feeling i get when i am in service to others.

taking down wallpaper border

day 6: what service have you done lately?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-05T10:34:00.001-07:00

day 5:

i am so very grateful for music. for me, music touches my soul! in my time of need, sadness or loss, my favorite times, happy ones, movie soundtracks, parties, cleaning the house, creating, weddings, retreats and so on...music just gets me!

i know that music is something that i will always cherish. no matter my mood {or the mood i'm trying to get into}, somehow, music will always just live right in my soul!

day 5: what are you grateful for today?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-04T07:59:00.001-07:00

day 4:

grateful for a "new start", when i will try again.

i had been off dr. pepper for 4 days and finally broke today. tomorrow is a new day! i will try again.

day 4: what new start are you grateful for?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-03T07:36:00.001-07:00

day 3:

grateful for the talks I get to share with my children. I love you austin, trevor, dallin & haleigh. {{hugs}}

{trevor.19, austin.20, dallin.16, haleigh.14}
2010

i never know when these talks are going to talk place but i sure do love them. sometimes it's when one of them have a bad day, and argument with a friend, bad day at school or late at night. i always want to be aware of them and their need to talk. i never say i'm too busy at that moment for it may never come again. i always stay up as late as i need to for them. i always end it with a huge hug and an i love you.

these are the days i live for. these are the moments i am grateful for. the memories that i am making with them. theses moments... i will treasure for a lifetime!

day 3: what are you grateful for today?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-02T23:59:00.001-07:00

day 2:

today i am grateful for my "to do list". why? having things to do, things to accomplish is living! today was truly full from start to finish. i accomplished loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes, balanced my check book, paid bills, did my part time job run, made many needed phone calls, sent emails and visited my mom for over 2 hours. there is probably many more things i did today but these are the ones i can remember at 11:45 pm, lol,

i live by a "to do list" and i am grateful to stay busy with many things to do. though not too busy to let satan work his magic and get me stressed out. as my friend kristan once reminded me b.u.s,y standing for {being under satan's yoke} is not good. it's not ok to keep adding things to a list that is totally unreachable. it's not good to always say "yes" to everyone and everything. it is a choice to do things that need to be done and that you want to do. it's a choice each day to decide what YOU want to accomplish with your 24 hours.

day 2...what are you grateful for?

attitude of gratitude

2011-11-01T18:14:00.000-07:00

day 1:

grateful my mom is now in rehab and doing better!! what a blessing for me and my family to have her close to us. i'm so honored to be her daughter.

who are you grateful for today?

connie

i'm never going to catch up...

2011-11-01T16:00:00.001-07:00

i will never catch up on my blog posts for the past few weeks. so i have decide to just start with today. it's hard to believe that it is already NOVEMBER! where has 2011 gone??? i feel like it should be spring not fall already.

as you know last year i took the attitude of gratitude challenge for the month of november. each day i will post {i will try my best} what i am grateful for that day. it may me something really big in my life at that moment or something as simple as my favorite warm drink. it's a simple challenge and i wondered if you would join in. you can post your attitude of gratitude on your blog, facebook, in a journal, your website or just in your heart. if you do post them please let me know the link as i would love to follow.

this time of year i am reminded of all the things i am grateful for, big and small. it's a time where i want to become better, do better, give more and appreciate more. a time where i can feel love and give love. it's a time to reflect on all that i am blessed with. it also helps me journal more and document those day to day things that often get over looked and forgotten.

so...will YOU join in?

connie

2011-10-11T11:02:00.001-07:00

"we all have a responsibility

to help ourselves

to whatever wisdom and

support comes our way,

and then,

most importantly,

to pass it on."

~joan erikson

thank you mikal for all your wonderful words of wisdom last night. i don't think "thank you" is enough for the almost 3 hours of wisdom, comfort, laughs and tears we shared! i am truly blessed to have you in my life. i hope to share my wisdom with those in need as you have. i love YOU mikal!!

2011-10-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

the difficulties of life

are intended to make us better,

not bitter.

~author unknown

prayers.

2011-09-21T13:27:00.000-07:00

i know they are heard and i know they are answered.

i don't ask for these prayers for me.

i ask for my littlest little, haleigh.

for her surgeon.

for the nurses.

for all those that will be helping her through this surgery.

i know positive thinking brings positive results.

i know good vibes and thoughts are felt.

i know with all my heart she will be in good hands.

i am asking for all thoughts and prayers to be sent on her behalf.

it never hurts to have plenty.

many thank yous can never be enough.

tOdaY...

2011-09-17T10:08:00.007-07:00

today it's beautiful outside.

today there is a slight breeze.

today i slept in.

today i am allow myself to veg.

today i feel alive.

today i am drinking dr. pepper.

today i am smiling.

today my to do list is tiny.

today my children amaZe me.

today my heart is full.

today i am in love.

today i am snuggling with my favorite red blanket.

today i love my life.

today there is no stress.

today is good.

today i am blessed.

today my phone is quiet.

today i am calm.

today my body is resting.

today i can hear my breath.

today i am watching food network.

today i am laying next to my husband.

today is my day.

today my heart is at peace.

today what brings you peace?

2011-09-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

2011-08-17T11:49:00.002-07:00

these last couple of weeks have been so crazy busy that i have found no time for anything. i have been under a lot of stress and my entire house has been a wreck. the saying " when momma' ain't happy, then no one is happy" has been the theme in our home. there have been busy days, sad days, frustrating days, things that don't go right {all day} days and over all burnt out days. we had soccer tryouts, sports physicals, birthdays, school starting, 3 hour drive with 3 hour doctors appointments, dentist appointments, work for me {out side the home} a trip to flagstaff for school supplies and clothes, another 3 1/2 over night drive with a half a day doctors appointment, soccer cuts, ultra sounds, austin's first day at his new day program and the list could seriously go on...

my head, heart and eyes feel like they are about to explode. i know that god will never give us more than we can handle but it's really enough already. all of these things that happened and I MISS MY MOMMY!! {she's been gone for the last 5 weeks}

i know this too shall pass and that someone else out there always has it worse. i just want a break for a bit so i can breathe. one of the major things weighing on me is my littlest little will be having surgery soon. please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. she has been through so much in her 14 years.

i just don't think she can take one more thing and neither can i.

2011-08-06T07:50:00.001-07:00

my quiet moments alone i do my reading. sometimes that means my most favorite blogs. other times it's a much needed book and then times it's the bible. this morning i have been catching up on my blogs. i am seriously speechless. i am at awe at these amazing women. i find comfort and strength in their words. yet, i struggle with myself.

i have had the opportunity to have many different faiths in my life. i have at times struggled with them all. i would say the last 13 years or so have been a true struggle. i have found it hard to be in one single faith. i know i have a testimony of god. i know i haven't been a faithful christan. yet, god is still there. waiting...

i read a few of my friends blogs that really touched me in one way or another. through faithfulness, strength, learning, powerful prayer, desires of the heart and just being a good example of christianity. you can check out their blogs here...{mikal}, {kristan}, {kolleen}, {jean}, {kelly}.

i have decided to put all religions aside and just get down to myself and god. this is very hard. it is truly the raw side of me that sometimes i don't want others to see. what i am learning from it, is that god WILL always be there. in my weakness, in my pain, sorrow, happy times, in my strength and all the other times as well. he is the one that will never leave my side. the one that will stay back and wait for me. the one who will love me unconditionally no matter what. the one i need to put my heart and soul into. the one that knows me best. the one that i should be listening to. the one that will never fail me.

i am striving to live my truth. to live a life i am pleased with. to live a life others may learn from and gain strength from. to be an example of forgiveness, unconditional love and true christianity.

i am enough and so are YOU!!

2011-08-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it".

i am working really hard at being "ok" with me. to be a better person. to apologize when necessary. to not think bad of others. to accept others for who they are. to love unconditionally. i have always thought myself as a good, kind, caring, loving, forgiving person but sometimes the yuck thoughts creep in. they are not always good and most of the time are not always truths.

i would like to take this opportunity to apologize to many of you. you may not even understand why i am apologizing. though my heart tells me i need to do this.

i am sorry.

my heart is full of pain and hurt that sometimes i don't realize i put that onto others. this is a fault of mine. one i am working so hard on. i hope in time you can forgive me. i hope in time i may forgive myself so i can move forward and love myself unconditionally. i know with prayer and god all things are possible. through him, i will get through this.
much love to you all.
have a fabulous weekend.

2011-08-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet

is fighting some kind of battle...

~author unknown

happy birthday dad!

2011-08-01T13:37:00.004-07:00

happy birthday dad!

may your day be wonderful.

you are loved!

be still and listen...it's worth it!

2011-07-25T23:36:00.013-07:00

as i sit here with the house all quiet i feel at peace. why? this last weekend is just what i needed. i spent the entire weekend with my loves, all of them. tom, austin, trevor, dallin, haleigh and our dog levi. i even had an added bonus. my son, dallin brought along his girlfriend adeline. my heart was so happy. i was at such peace! have you had the feeling? it is truly calming. truly! no internet, no rv, no grill. just us in a trailer, tents and a microwave. i will admit the first night was absolutely awful. i got only one hour of sleep. it was so cold and i did not prepare enough in bringing blankets as the trailer is just that...a trailer. it was so cold that even levi slept right next to me and we were both shivering all night long. however...the morning was interesting as well as i had not fully planned all the supplies i would need to "make" the meals. i think all in all we did well and the food wasn't too bad either. what i loved about this trip is there was no tv, no internet, no video games and really no distractions. it was us in the forest riding quads, playing games and making s'mores. we had such a good time that it really made me look at what i DO have. what i am so GRATEFUL for. what i am TRULY thankful for as well. i think until you go camping and don't have your basic necessities of life, that you realize what you have and how blessed you truly are.

on sunday morning everyone was sleeping and levi really had to go so i got up and let him out. it was so quiet and peaceful outside. no one was riding yet and it was still outside. i sat there listening, TRULY listening. i haven't done that in a long time. i pulled out my phone and got caught up on some of my blogs i just adore reading and really started to think. it's so funny how sometimes you feel all alone yet you are not. one of my blogs i read was of my brave girl mikal's blog. her name is pronounced micheal, you can read her blog {HERE} her blog is so honest, so real. i think that is why i enjoy reading it so much. she had blogged a couple of post about finding her authentic self and i just smiled. i too have been on that journey. i think we all are at times. she quoted an author who i too admire, joan anderson. i have one of her books that helped me through a very difficult time in my life, my divorce. something so personal and difficult for so many people, yet such a huge learning experience in my life. as i flipped through the pages of her book "a weekend to change your life" find your authentic self after a lifetime of being all things to all people, i truly started to live. i only wish i had found this author and book earlier.

i am NOT perfect. i may NEVER be in this lifetime. this life is a test. this life is meant to have good times and bad times. this life is ours to live how we choose. it's not always the best to try and live for others. this life is HARD. this life is not always fair but we get to choose how we live it.

as women {and sometimes men} we wear many hats. we are mothers, daughters, friends, sister, aunt, business women, a taxi service, team mom, pta board member, church calling holder, maid, chef, personal assistant and the list could go on. we often find ourselves questioning who we REALLY are. what are roles are. what is our purpose. we wonder if the path we chose is the correct one. if the mistakes me made were worth it. if the life we are living is to it's fullest.

so sunday morning after i caught up on my blog i used my phone to download the bible. i sat in the forest, with a slight breeze in a lawn chair, pj's, glasses and all and started to read. i read for two full hours. at different times the birds would sing, the wind would pick up, the sun would peak through the clouds and my heart would start pounding. i wondered what it would of been like back in those days. would i have even survived? i have so many questions. i just don't truly understand it all.

after reading i wondered if i will ever have all the answers to the many questions i have? will i ever find the TRUE me that i am looking for? will i ever understand this test that i am being given? will i pass? will i ever believe that i am good enough JUST THE WAY THAT I AM?? who am i trying to impress? does it really matter? will i be forgiven by those that i have hurt or done wrong too? will i ever truly forgive myself? will i ever be happy with just being ME?

this life is a TEST. to prepare for a test you must study and learn. there isn't always a right or wrong, but you always have a choice. what you take from this test and what you share with others IS important. what you choose to do IS your decision, not anyone else's. we are all still learning. we are all still trying to figure out who we are and what we want from this life. some just take longer than others to figure it out. then when you do, life gives you another test.

what i am learning from this is, that i am NOT alone. that i AM a good person. that i will be learning until the day god brings me home. that i need to start being ok with me because what others think of me isn't any of my business. this is a process, we take one step forward and sometimes we fall backwards. as long as we get up, dust ourselves off, put a smile on our faces and start over we ARE doing our best. sometimes it's just a little harder.

i am grateful for all these life lessons. i am blessed to know that i am special. that i am worth it. that i AM ENOUGH. no matter what others may say or think about you...you my friend are soooo worth it too! remember that you are not alone. that some days you may stumble and feel hopeless. you may feel that this life is not worth it. i hope you will find that special place in your heart that allows you to find peace and pray for guidance. you are so special just as you are. this life isn't easy but it is sooooo worth it!!!

{{hugs}}
connie

going, going, gone...

2011-07-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

we are headed out of town for a camping/riding family, fun, dirty weekend. only wish I could find my camera. :( anywho, I hope you all have a happy weekend. take some "just because/random" photos for me of your weekend. leave me a comment and send me to your blog to view them. I will do my best by snapping some photos on my iPhone and share with you when I get back.

happy weekend my friends!!

oh me, oh my...

2011-07-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

have you heard the news???

this fall we will have a wonderful new channel to watch online. it is called my craft channel you can check out their blog {HERE}. they have been announcing their hostesses for their show and it is one amaZing group of women. it will be the show where you can learn from the best of the best. from sewing, photography, mix media, diy and scrapbooking!! i am so stinkin' excited i can't stand it!!

not only am i excited to have a new wonderful show to watch this fall, 2 of my brave girl friends have been asked to be hostesses of their own segments, christy tomlinson and teresa collins. i can not express to you how talented these two ladies are. having been in their presence and to see their passion for their art is amaZing. i know i will be watching, learning and playing right along with all of these great ladies.

happy friday my friends!

lend a hand...

2011-07-13T12:09:00.060-07:00

a picture i took with my iphone
of a statue in my town

have you ever given a hand to someone in need?

has someone ever lent a hand to you?

it is such a small gesture, yet it could mean the world to someone.

today i was really feeling the need to connect with a friend.

i thought what would put a smile on my face?

what could i do to put a smile on theirs.

i sent a simple text message.

what i received in return was more than i asked for.

you never know when lending a hand will mean so much.

take time to serve others with your two little hands.

it could be...

making bread.

making a call.

saying thank you.

pick flowers.

waving hello.

sending a text.

making art.

cleaning.

pulling them out of the dark.

praying.

giving a hug.

god gave us two hands to use.

why not share them with the world.

in doing so...you will find a friend or maybe even save a life.

what have you done with your hands for a friend lately?

2011-07-03T05:31:00.000-07:00

i will be missing in action for a week as i enjoy a little r & r. a utah road trip with my husband, full of laughter, beautiful nature, some family and friends, magazines, music and a camera. if i am inspired or have time i will try to post. happy sunday my blogging friends.
{{hugs}}

today...

2011-06-28T22:46:00.008-07:00

today... has been an overall good day.

today i worked 9-5.
today there was tons of work.
today i went to lunch with my mom and our friend naoma for her birthday lunch.
today i went grocery shopping.
today i bought a friend some roses.
today i cooked a fast and yummy dinner for my husband and i.
today i ordered some amaZing scents from scentsy. {here}
today i read many inspirational blogs.
today i became a "follwer" on some great blogs.
today i listened to some great music.
today i was truly inspired by {kelly lish's} newest piece of art, "she knew".
today kelly and i had an awesome text chat!
today i watched the voice and had total goose-pimples.
today i had a wonderful text conversation with miss adeline.
today my oldest son's paperwork was approved.
today i am tired, yet feel alive.
today i am blessed.
today i felt very inspired.
today i told my husband i loved him many of times.
today i am grateful.
today i received a text from my third son who said he missed me.
today i caramelized an apple and poured it over some
french vanilla ice cream.
today i thanked my husband for doing some "honey-dos".
today i felt good about being mE.

how was your today my friends?

machines that save...

2011-06-24T21:52:00.002-07:00

{mammogram machine}

the dreaded mammogram machine i was so lucky to have an appointment with on wednesday. not only did i visit this machine i saw the ultrasound machine as well. i hope to hear from the doctor sometime next week to find out what my results were.

{ultrasound machine}

i am not sure what i was more afraid of...the machines or the many of doctors, techs and interns who examined my "ta-tas". it didn't hurt as bad as i thought but i shall say it was very uncomfortable. then when i was having an ultra sound they were pressing really hard and oh the pain was not good.

i may not have enjoyed this visit to the hospital with these lovely machines but it was worth every penny of it. if it can save me from pain and knowing all is well, it is worth it! i am thankful for today's doctors and technology that allows us the chance to detect any medical problems before it gets to advanced. i am also very happy to discover websites that allow us to donate to the cause. this is one of my all time favorites sites {save the ta-tas}.

so until i hear from the doctor i am still crossing my fingers and praying that my ta-tas are ok.

just a friendly reminder:

please do your monthly self exam girls {and guys}. save your ta-tas!

2011-06-15T08:25:00.001-07:00

every morning,

ask yourself not "what do i need to DO today?"

but "how do i need to BE today?"

focus on how you can be YOUR authentic,

best self.

~shannon mcfayden

simple things...

2011-06-14T08:47:00.004-07:00

yesterday i went to the oh so famous yearly doctor. can i just tell you...their scale is soooo wrong. then again, maybe not. it was the same as last year, so maybe it was just right. then last night i played co.ed softball. again.i didn't realize how truly out of shape i was until i had to run from 1st base to 3rd. let's just say it was tough to let go of the caboose. i am telling you this because with a doctor's appointment and a co.ed game i realized a couple of things.
1. i need to work out!
2. i'm glad i went to them both.

my doctors appointment is the usual yearly. this time it was a little different. my doctor is retiring and i have a little sadness. i mean, when you find someone you feel, should i say "comfortable" with ,you want them to be that doctor forever. he has done two remarkable surgeries for me. for that i am truly grateful. i realized that i will be 4-0 in 10 months and i am getting a mammogram now. kinda worried but then i guess i have always been the kind of person who wants to "know" if something is wrong instead of not knowing. after that we may have to do an ultra sound. so, i am keeping my fingers crossed and saying a few prayers that all is well with my girls.

at our co.ed game i was the 3rd oldest on the team. playing with a bunch of young-ens. even the other team we played was filled with all high schoolers. i kinda have to laugh at the thought that i AM getting older. i have always felt young, but in comparison to actual "youngsters" i am NOT as young as i thought. what i gain from playing is...

i am playing with my dad.
i am playing with my husband.
i am playing with my two boys.
i am playing to socialize.
i am playing for time.
i am playing for my health.
i am playing because i can.

i know i am not the best person on the team but to play with my two boys in a chance of a life time. PRICELESS!! i said all through practice to them...are you sure i won't embarrass you? are you sure you want to play with me? i think at times they just said yes so they wouldn't hurt my feeling. even though a couple of times they both did. what i have to keep reminding myself is...live in THIS moment.

so i didn't get a home run.
so i didn't catch that ball.
so i didn't get to first base.
so i didn't take the walk.
so i didn't strike out.
so i didn't change pitchers.
so we didn't win.

i DID live in the moment!!

i did see the smiles on my boys' faces as they watched their girlfriends play.
i did see the kidding everyone was enjoying.
i did see my dad get hurt.
i did see our team struggle to regain our composure.
i did see excitement with our first home run of the season.
i did see some amaZing catches.
i did see all the fun everyone had.
i did see 3 generations all together.

i realize that i am NOT always living in the moment. that i am NOT always taking the time to see life as it is in front of me. sometimes i seem to be too busy to see what is really important. that it's time i really take care of my body. that it's time to stop living in the past and truly live in the present, the NOW. i know i am not perfect in many ways. at least i am doing my best, giving my best and learning along the way. may you stop and see what you may be missing in your life. that moment that you may never get back. i will keep trying to move forward. one foot in front of the other. somtimes just breathing. i don't want miss anyting. not even this very moment.

"eNjoY the little things,

for one day you may look back

and realize they were the big things"

~robert brault

thank you for taking the time to read my blog. thank you for leaving me wonderful comments.
maybe i can help to remind you that this life...
is worth YOU living in it!!

{{hugs}}

2011-06-13T09:38:00.001-07:00

today is four weeks.
28 days.
27 nights.
4 weekends.
4 mondays.
672 hours.

some of you may have noticed that I am no longer on facebook. many of you are just now finding out.

addiction: [uh-dik-shuh n]
–noun
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

i can honestly say i have been addicted to soap operas and soda. then again, I did break those habits.
what i didn't realize was how ADDICTED i was to facebook.
it truly consumed many hours of my day.
many hours of my life.
i WAS a facebook addict.

i signed up for facebook mainly for my family that is all over the united states and in a war zone. then my children signed up and i wanted to keep an eye on them. it also made me feel "in touch" with all of my "friends".

what i slowly saw was that the addiction was slowly killing me. i know that may sound harsh but that is how i feel. i felt as what i was reading was "life". that the only way i could possibly feel like i was a friend to my many "friends" was to constantly post on their page or on their status. to make sure i stopped in just to say "hi". to make sure i was "up" with all of the happening. i. knew. EVERYTHING.

so i thought.

i soon came to realize how facebook was killing me.
how i longed morning, afternoon and night for it.
how if i didn't "check" up on everyone i would be failing as a friend.
if i didn't let all of you in that you wouldn't care for me.
if i wasn't seeing what you were doing, where you were going and when you would be back i was useless.

then the depression kicked in.
the guilt.
the loneliness.
the sadness.
the anger.
the days and nights of tears.

WHAT ON EARTH WAS I DOING???

WHY DO I NEED FACEBOOK TO TELL ME I AM OK?

WAS I ONLY LIVING BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK?

WERE MY ONLY FRIENDS THE ONES ON FACEBOOK?

DID I LOOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK?

DID I GET HURT OR HURT OTHERS BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK?

DID MY FAMILY HURT OTHERS OR GET HURT BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK?

i started to really think of these questions. i FINALLY started to see my life as i knew it. i kinda started to "feel". i was tired of constantly crying.

i realized that ALL those hundreds of friends on facebook were really NOT my friends. that this social networking was NOT what i wanted or needed in my life. that i WASN'T strong enough to not allow what was being posted to affect my life.

hi, i am connie jo capron and i am addicted to facebook.
on may 16, 2011 i deleted my account.

why am i sharing this you may ask? many of reasons i guess.
to allow myself to cry.
to allow myself to hurt.
to allow myself to understand.
to allow myself to know i was not alone.
to allow myself some peace in my life.
to allow myself to find my "true" friends.
to allow myself time to figure out what is most important in life.
to allow myself to breathe.

i struggle with "true" friendships.
i struggle with validation of my time, talent and myself.
i struggle to be liked.
i struggle to "fit" in.
i struggle with asking.
i struggle with feeling loved and wanted.
i struggle with life.

these last 28 days have been very hard for me. i have been learning. i have been slowly taking time to listen but i know i am not there yet. i am not sure when or if i will return to the facebook world. i think for me, my family and my life...it is too hurtful.

i am working on becoming the me that i need to be.
that me i want to be.
the one me...
connie jo capron.

miss invisible

There's a girl

That sits under the bleachers

Just another day eating alone

And though she smiles there is something she's hiding

And she cant find a way to relate

But just goes unnoticed

As the crowd passes by

And she'll pretend to be busy, when inside she just wants to cry

and she'll say...

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible

Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes

Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible

Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day

When you'll ask her her name

The beginning, in the first weeks of class

She did everything to try and fit in

But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface

And she will close her eyes when they left her she fell down the stairs

And the more that they joked

And the more that they screamed

She retreated to what she is now

And she'll sing...

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible

Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes

Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible

Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day when you´ll ask her her name

Then one day just the same as the last

Just a day spent counting the time

Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...

~ marie digby

"for it is surely a lifetime work, this learning to be a women."
~ may sarton

wallow fire

2011-06-10T10:15:00.003-07:00

{in my back yard}

i took this picture sunday morning from my back yard. the reddish cloud is the smoke from the wallow fire. the fire is a little over an hours drive from my home.

{wednesday early evening from my mom's}

all the grey you see above the landscape is smoke from the fire.

it is so scary!

my heart is very heavy! these pictures remind me of the rodeo chediski fire back in 2002. seeing all the ash fall and having so much loss is too close to home for me. many of my friends have been evacuated. some may not have a home to return to. this fire is just a small reminder of the importance of life. the importance of making, keeping and sharing your life and memories with those that mean the most to you. that "things" don't mean anything without family.

to all of my blogging friend out there in cyber space whether you are religious, spiritual or not please take a moment to say a little prayer.

pray for all the firefighters.

pray for the the many people supporting and helping out in this terrible fire.

pray for all of those who are evacuated.

pray for their homes.

pray for all of the animals.

pray for these small communities.

pray for RAIN!

i am safe.

i am grateful for my home.

i am grateful for my family.

i am grateful for my life.

i am safe.

here are the statistics of this tragic fire near where i call home.

as of this morning the Wallow Fire has burned 408,887 acres.

640 sq miles

5% contained

take time today to be grateful for what you have.

what you love.

who you care for.

have a wonderful weekend my friends.

{hugs}

connie

2011-06-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

THANKS

today someone died.

it might of been a close friend or someone unknown.

you take friends for fun and games

not knowing that one day that friend will be gone.

then you realize how dear it was, the closeness,

the tears, the laughter, and those warm hugs of comfort.

today i want to tell you thank you for everything.

i know how dear your friendship was, i feel the closeness now,

i have those tears and i can still hear the laughter.

i'm sorry i can't feel your comfort anymore.

i'm sorry i waited to tell you thanks.

today i am remembering a loved one that i lost. please don't wait to tell those you love, those that touch your very soul how much they mean to you. as i wrote the words above many, many years ago they ring so deep today. i am very grateful for those that are in my life today.

i have had to make some very tough decisions lately and i know in the end my life will be better because of mY choices. it's not easy to do a life cleanse but i have always been told it is worth it. i have struggled the last few years, ok most of my life with having girlfriends. "true" girlfriends who accept me for who i am with all my flaws, with all my true self. i have learned that the "true" friends will always have your back in good and the bad times. that they will be there no matter what. i have learned myself that i want to give this as much as i receive it. that there does come a time in your life where doing a cleanse is much needed. it's hard, it's scary, and very painful. i realise that if i am the only one constantly giving then maybe it's time to reevaluate and cleanse. it truly saddens me. it truly makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. why i am not "good enough" to be their friend or in their circle. friendship is a constant struggle. we are all changing, loving, struggling and suffering together in this life. sometimes...you just have to let go and move on so you both can continue to grow.

today as i remember my dear friend who past, i am also remember the lost of those friendships. i am reflecting on my 39 years on this earth. i am thinking of the friends i do have. the many sisters of women who have touched and blessed my life throughout these years. i am grateful for all of the relationships i have had with each and everyone of you. though you are gone you will never be forgotten. you have helped me become who i am and i thank you.

may i continue to search for "true" friends who will be with me through the thick and the thin. who will love me unconditionally. who in return will receive a "true" friend in me always!

rejoice

celebrate the

happiness that friends

are always giving.

make every day a

holiday and celebrate

just living!

~amanda bradley

thank you for being my friend and touching my life.

connie

my first canvas {and i love it}!!

2011-05-31T12:57:00.003-07:00

it's been a really long time since i have pulled an all nighter. i mean a "true" up all nighter. i did not go to bed until 8am and i was up before noon. what kept me up you might ask? in february i signed up for an online course from the very talented christy tomlinson! it was a {she art workshop} that i had only watched the videos of. i had been wanting to actually do a canvas she art since the first day i watched the video. though my life has been extremely busy. that even thinking about taking the time for me seemed impossible.

this memorial weekend was very emotional for me, for many reasons. i was away from my creative place and could not do any art. i had the urge to create. i felt i needed to do something to just let myself let go. to find my "happy place". to allow myself some much need peace. i had my art journal with me but didn't have everything i wanted to work with.

last night i got the creative bug. i thought i would finally pull out a 6 x 12 small canvas and see what these hands and heart would do. i logged onto the class and enjoyed ever minute of it. christy is just so down to earth and amaZing to have as a teacher. she is one lady who the art of creating.

i took pictures of my process so i could see for myself where this piece started, how it developed and the final results. my heart is so happy i can't even stand it. it is making me want to create some more. i am so very grateful for the opportunity to continue to learn and grow as i create pieces that speak to me. to create and share my time and talent with others. i am so thankful to have a hobby that allows me not only share my memories but helps me find that much need peace for my soul. thank you christy for sharing your time and talents with many of us. you are one roCkin' gal!!

first try at canvas

and she begins

watching her come together

first try at painting hair

adding more details

what this canvas means to me

i will always dream

isn't she just beautiful!

man, i can not wait to see what christy has in store next!! i have 2 more classes and 6 months to get to it. thanks christy for giving me the know how to feel like i could create such an amaZing piece. i feel alive!!! and truly at peace.

{hugs}

ps. thanks lynda for all the goodies to get me motivated on this class.

you can check out christy and all her sites here...

http://www.christytomlinson.typepad.com/

http://www.scarletlime.com/

http://www.scarletlimebeadart.com/

happy memorial day!

2011-05-30T18:12:00.003-07:00

i hope today you will take some time from your bbq's, pool parties, camping or vegging to remember our brave men and women, past and present and those who gave their life for this country of ours.

i am truly grateful for all the members of my family who so willing serve. i am blessed they all have made it home safely. i am honored to be a part of their family. please take the time to teach your children about memorial day. teach them why we get a day off. teach them to remember.

thank you to our military who stand up for our freedom. thank you just doesn't seem enough. god bless you, your family and the u.s.a

i have also taken some time today to remember all of those who have gone home to heaven as well. many were taken too soon. many had a world to still conquer. many who have touch my life deeply. i will never forget you. i will always be grateful for how my life was blessed just by knowing you. i will always love you!

happy memorial day friends.
{{hugs}}
connie

she did it!!

2011-05-28T14:42:00.038-07:00

it's hard to believe that my baby girl is growing up so fast.

she was promoted last night from the eighth grade.

she is now a high schooler, YIKES!

where did all those 14 years go?

i was blessed to have spent part of the day with her.

i took her to get her first pedicure.

she was a bit nervous.

we then went home to start getting ready.

haleigh is a girl all her own.

she is my "tom boy".

so when we found this dress.

i cried!

she did not want her hair done up fancy.

no flowers in her hair, no make up.

just her, her dress and flip flops.

she sneaked in and started looking at my jewelry.

i was quietly watching her.

she asked, "should i wear a necklace"?

together we looked through her little stash.

then we looked through mine.

this is what she chose.

to me, it was bitter sweet.

for this necklace means a lot to me.

to her, just something to wear.

when i put it on her i held back the tears.

she is learning to "fly".

she will spread her wings as she enters high school.

she will always be my little girl.

she will always have my heart.

she will always have that beautiful smile.

she will always be an artist.

she will always be a "tom boy" at heart.

she will always be the youngest.

she will always be different.

she will always be the only girl.

she will always be special.

if i could but only live my life in her shoes.

if i could but remember what it was like to be young and free.

if i could but remember how fun life truly is.

if i could but keep that innocence.

if i could but keep the artist in me.

if i could but always remember to fly.

congratulations haleigh nicole hastings!!

i am so proud of you.

i am so blessed to be your mom.

i am honored to be your friend.

you are one special young lady.

i love you boo!

look out world...she is spreading her wings!

creative escape preview day

2011-05-22T19:16:00.131-07:00

this weekend i was able to spend the weekend with some very amaZing ladies. this weekend was the last time we all would come together for creative escape preview. this weekend brought back so many wonderful memories. this weekend was truly what i needed!

this is my creative place. this is getting all of my last minute supplies ready.

this is when i was driving to chandler from my home
{3 1/2 hours away}. this is what some of the temperature was like.

this is the beauty i was seeing. this is the middle of may in arizona?!

this is picture day of all the wonderful volunteers.

this is janna. this is who got me into helping 3 out of the 5 years of creative escape! this is one friend i want to keep forever.

this is joey. this is one lifelong friend. this gal is truly a "treasure". :)

this is only a few of the ladies i will be missing every year.

this is ali edwards. this is only 1 of the amaZingly, talented teachers who will be sharing her gifts with everyone who attends creative escape 2011.

this weekend was bitter sweet for me. this weekend will be one that i will treasure for a lifetime. this weekend makes me truly blessed to know just some of the amaZing women in this fabulous industry. this weekend makes me sad to think this is the last creative escape. this weekend makes me smile for bazzill and heidi swapp for their unconditional love of this wonderful industry. this weekend will always hold a special place in my heart!!

this is your last chance to be a part of creative escape.

original...

2011-05-22T18:36:00.001-07:00

masquerading

as a normal person

day after day

is exhausting.

~anonymous

just a little something to think about.

i will be back soon to update.

2011-05-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

"be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet

is fighting some kind of battle".

~author unknown

happy birthday trevor!!

2011-04-25T22:04:00.007-07:00

today my second oldest turned 19. YIKES...19!! oh where, oh where have all those years gone? this young man brings so much joy into my life. he is one talented kid, excuse me...young adult. i am truly blessed to be his mom.

one of the things we do for birthdays is allow the birthday person to choose where they would like to have dinner. now we all know that if we go to eva's {our mexican food restaurant} that eva will come out with your fried ice cream and some extra whipping cream in her hand. i don't know why, other than the good food, that we all decide to go here for our birthdays. she gotcha...

happy birthday trevor kempe hastings! you fill my life with so much LOVE!! thanks for picking me and allowing me the blessings of being your mom.

i love you!!

aunt cindy's birthday celebration...

2011-04-21T18:04:00.001-07:00

so my mom, dad, my grandpa and my family got together on aunt cindy's birthday to have a birthday party. it was a fuN evening filled with love, tears and wonderful memories. we had a cake, sang happy birthday, wrote letters and then plan on taking them to the park and letting them go to heaven on a balloon. it was a very tough day/night but it was wonderful celebrating my aunt. i know she is in heaven finally eating CAKE!!

{aunt cindy's cake!}

{mom cutting the cake}

{writing my letter to aunt cindy}

{haleigh, trevor & dallin}

{dad & mom writing letters}

{letters getting ready to go to heaven}

i love you aunt cindy and i know every year on your birthday will be special here on earth. you are one awesome aunt and i am so blessed to have had you here on earth as long as god allowed me to. i will cherish our times together, remember the memories and continue to live not only for me but for you. thank you for allowing me to be your niece.

two wonderful birthdays...

2011-04-21T06:39:00.004-07:00

today is a tough day but a wonderful one. it is my uncle matt and aunt cindy's birthday! my uncle was born on my aunt's, his sister's birthday when she was 10 years old. what a great present she had that year. as many of you know my aunt passed on 3.3.2011 when she lost her battle with cancer. we all know, yet still struggle that god needed her more than us. today we are going to celebrate her life! today my uncle matt is going to celebrate for her as well as try to celebrate his own. we know that she is watching down over us. we know she is in a better place. we know that she would want us to keep on living.

happy birthday uncle matt and aunt cindy!!
i love you both so very much.
i am honored and blessed to have you as family.
love your niece,
connie

happy birthday tom!!

2011-04-14T05:56:00.072-07:00

today is my husband's birthday. we decided to celebrate our birthday's and anniversary all in one by going to rocky point on friday. i struggle to know what to get for this man who has everything!! even when i try and get him something...he seems to buy it for himself before i can! today i thought i would write down the things i love about him. i couldn't ask for a better friend & husband.

what i love about thomas john giannaros...

*he is the best husband in the world
*he is my best friend
*he is very loving
*he is kind
*he is the best step-dude to our children
*he is very thoughtful
*he is always there to support me, the kids and our family
*he lives his life as if it were his last
*he is my roCk
*he is my soul mate
*he is my shelter from the storm
*he is a hard worker
*he is a great dog owner
*he is a great listener
*he is very handsome, ok sexy!
*he loves to play...hard
*he is a great friend
*he is prompt
*he gives wonderful advice
*he loves his country
*he is a wonderful son
*he has very strong shoulders...believe me i've used them
*he is funny
*he is very smart
*he is an entrepreneur
*he is money wise
*he loves sand cars {especially his funco big 5 generation 3}
*he loves the sand dunes
*he is very talented
*he loves rock point
*he is trustworthy
*he is honorable
*he is very forgiving
*he is a great provider
*he loves god

oh my, this list could go on f-o-r-e-v-e-r!! i hope he knows just how much i love him and how thankful i am for him. my life has been truly blessed because of this great man. i don't know where i would be right now without him in my life. god totally knew what he was doing the day he introduced us. i am truly honored, grateful and blessed to be his angel! i love you baby, happy birthday.

happy birthday mom!!

2011-04-11T11:44:00.012-07:00

today is my mom's 56th birthday. she is the most amaZing, beautiful, bravest woman i know!! if you see her...please wish her a happy birthday.

{flowers i gaver her}

{mom & me on her birthday}

i love you mommy!! happy birthday.

CLOSED...

2011-04-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

i am so far behind on my blogging and i know i will NEVER get caught up. so i have decided that i can't let this bother me. i am just going to move forward and blog when i can. you may be wondering what is up with my title? well a few months back i posted about this amaZing online course called soul restoration that is put on by the wonderful melody ross and kathy wilkins of the brave girls club. as a birthday gift for my mom i decided she really needed this class. with all that has been going on with our family i thought what a great thing for her. she is able to close her soul and self for restoration. i decided we both could use some quality time together and i could be there to guide her and her me.

mom and i started the class last night. we decided that once a week we will meet at my home and walk this journey together. you all know i have been very blessed to have attended two brave girls camp. yet, i have never completed nor finished a single thing. i am making it a goal to DO THIS ANYWAYS!! to take the time, to make the effort every week to restore my soul.

i am so very excited.
i am so honored and so blessed to do this with my mom.
so for a few weeks…i will be restoring my soul!!

{{hugs}}
connie

happy??

2011-03-31T11:59:00.013-07:00

i have been having a difficult week. i wonder sometimes if it's that "time of the month" or what?? i mean, all my symptoms are if it is but...my body doesn't have those parts anymore, lol. yet...i still get the symptoms.

i have also been soul searching. LISTENING to the inner me that is trying to tell me something. i have been truly blessed to have a husband send me to {brave girls camp} not just once, but twice! at this life changing retreat i learned many techniques on how to rediscover mE, i have been so desperately searching for the last 4 years or so. i have discovered that i am still here, still searching at times and that i am ALIVE! this in itself is in deed a true blessing.

today i was reading over my normal blogs and i came across shirley's. she is one of the original brave girls that i had the pleasure of meeting october of 2009. she has decided to spread her wings and fLy! i am following her journey in india, yes INDIA! you can follow it too {here}. i love how she so perfectly said this "My life is definitely on a new path, one of love and discovery. I am forward focus, the past is the past and it shall remain there. The only thing I ever intend to bring forward from the past is positive memories. The hurt, pain or confusion…anything negative will forever remain where it belongs, in the past." i read this and said to myself...i too must live this. i have been creating a new path, one of love and discovery and i am only wanting to focus on the now and the future. i thought to myself shirley is right! the past needs to be the past and i should only carry the memories.

so today...i called one of my original brave girls sister, {christi}. she had called me a couple of days ago and i was at work and could not talk. i sent her a text and didn't hear back. i was concerned and called her this morning. we had a great 2 hour talk. we talked about everything!! it made me realize again that melody and kathy's dream to reach women around the world, is a blessing in disguise for me. i have met and made so many friendships from this camp and christi is one that will be in my heart forever.

i know we are all busy. we have lives...we are working women, stay at home moms, grandmothers, travel seekers, providers, artist, writers, friends, survivors, daughters and the list could go on. though there are times that stop us dead in our tracks and make us look upon this life we live. it makes us question...

who we are?

why are we here?

what service have i done?

did i make the right choice?

all these questions that make us doubt our very souls. that make us wonder...

if...

the choices we made are the right ones?

is the path i took correct?

are the dream i followed going to pan out?

did the call i just make, make a difference?

ask yourself...right now...

are YOU happy?

we all have choices, it's part of the plan that was made for us. though how we choose to live our lives is up to us. WE get to decide. whether it's right or wrong, it's YOUR choice. i know we all have tough days...believe me i have them A LOT! though i always find it somewhere in me to reflect on the thought that someone always has it worse than i do. that maybe my situations isn't so bad after all.

service: noun 1. an act of helpful activity; help; aid: to do someone a service.

today i did a little service and you know what...my life isn't so bad after all. i may need a quick kick in the butt or a little hug to remind myself to be happy today. but i feel tons better for allowing myself to be of service.

happy...me...well i am getting there.

have a fabulous day my friends. tomorrow is friday!

thankful

2011-03-25T20:31:00.006-07:00

Happy moments, Praise God.

Difficult moments, Seek God.

Quiet moments, Worship God.

Painful moments, Trust God.

Every moment, Thank God.

a friend of mine posted this quote on his facebook page. i thought it was absolutely perfect for me right now, at this very moment! i am thankful everyday, for every moment, for everything in my life.

connie

Joan Elaine McCarty Biesemeyer

2011-03-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

Joan Elaine Biesemeyer, 78, passed away peacefully on March 8, 2011. She was born February 26, 1933 in Vernal, Utah to James Alexander McCarty and Mildred Cloward. Arizona was her home for 72 years, the last 31 years in Mesa. She married William (Bill) Biesemeyer on March 18, 1950 and was sealed to him in the Manti temple for time and all eternity on September 5, 1981. She was preceded in death by her parents, her sister June Pew, her brother James McCarty, and her daughter-in-law Cindy Biesemeyer. She is survived by her husband of 61 years, her children Dan Biesemeyer of Mesa AZ and Diane Palmer of Syracuse UT, and her sister Jean Weaver. She has nine grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren.She helped her husband Bill run Biesemeyer Manufacturing for almost 20 years. Joan generously shared her time and talents in serving her family and friends throughout her life. She was the glue that held her family together. She will be sadly missed by all. A visitation will be held on Friday, March 11 from 6-8 pm at Melcher Mortuary, 43 S. Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Services will be held on Saturday, March 12 at 10 am at the LDS Church 1455 N. Harris in Mesa. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Wells Fargo acct 1343926158 to help with the medical and funeral expenses for her daughter-in-law Cindy Biesemeyer. Melcher Chapel of the Roses handled arrangements.

Cindy Lou Capron Biesemeyer

2011-03-08T14:30:00.005-07:00

Cindy Lou Capron Biesemeyer, 53, returned home to be with her loving Heavenly Father on March 3, 2011. She was born on April 21, 1957 in Warren, PA to Ellen Louise Vaow and Gilbert Otto Capron. She died surrounded by loved ones in her Mesa home of 30 years. She was preceded in death by her father, her brother, Gilbert Capron, Jr. and her sister, Cathy Ishman. She is survived by her mother and step-father, Ellen and Larry Wallace of Pittsfield, PA and her siblings: Sue Capron Bennett, Sherry Catalfu, Patty Chase, Bob Capron, Ken Capron, Jeff Wallace, Ken Wallace, Matt Capron, Karen Wallace and Tammy Wallace. She will also be sadly missed by her husband of 37 years, Dan Biesemeyer and their children Shane Biesemeyer, Shannon Powell, Brandon Biesemeyer and Breanne Bergman and 12 grandchildren. Cindy’s greatest legacy will be her love for her family, love of service to others and for her faith and great love for her Father in Heaven. A visitation will be held on Thurs, March 10, 2011 from 6-8 pm at Bunker’s Garden Chapel 33 N. Centennial Way Mesa. Services will be held on Fri, March 11, 2011 at 10 am at the LDS Church 1455 N. Harris in Mesa. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Wells Fargo acct 1343926158 to help with medical and funeral expenses.

final good-bye...

2011-03-02T09:32:00.006-07:00

i am going to say my final good-byes to my sweet aunt cindy tomorrow. i thought i was ready but, i am not so sure. my mom keeps me updated on her status daily. all of her family has been at her side. i am truly blessed to have had her in my life. she is such an example and inspiration to me. she is truly an angel of god!! i love you aunt cindy and you will truly be missed.

{{hugs}}

i love you aunt cindy!!
re-post of a few blogs entries and a new one.

Thursday, February 19, 2009
trying to understand...
i am having a really difficult time right now. we seem to always think things are bad in our lives. that our lives are so full of negativity and crap. then...you hear of someone else's life. you sit back and say to yourself... it could be worse, right? well, i feel like mY family has been hit with a ton of bricks. my aunt cindy, the one that i am always quoting here was just diagnosed with rare stomach and esophageal cancer. our family is still in shock! we are asking any of you who feel the need to help us find the right doctors for her to fast and pray. we are doing a family fast saturday night until sunday at 4 pm. any and all prayers are so much appreciated. it's a true test of faith when something like this occurs. you have all sorts of emotions...denial, anger, fear, frustration and so much more. you wonder why them? why would God do this to someone so righteous. someone who has so much to give and so much more to offer. you are so full of emotions that you wish it was a dream. well, it's not and now we have to face this with positiveness and hope. hope to find the right doctors for this rare cancer. hope that she and her family will stay strong. hope that her body will do all it can to continue to hold on. i am sooo blessed to have my aunt in my life. she has taught me more than she knows. she is a true child of God and i am honored to call her my aunt. may we all remember that this life is short. that you never know what God has in store for you. that you treat each day as if it were your last. that you love always, laugh much and forgive others! i love you aunt cindy! you are my hero!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009
tHaNk yOu

it's been awhile since i have written. tOdaY is a daY i need to write! i have so much to be thankful for. so much to love and live for. my blessing are flowing over and i just can't seem to get it all out today.

don't know why but i started renting movies from netflix. i do know why...the movie rentals and late fees are outrageous! one of the first movies i received is ps. i love you. oh my gosh!!! why have i not seen this movie before. i mean, come on...it's been out for 2 years now. maybe it wasn't the right time to see it. then when i got it and read the cover...i thought, do i want to watch this movie right now. with all that is going on in my life and with my aunt, i just can't. i have had this movie for 5 days and i put it in this morning. WOW is all i can say. i took so much out of this movie. life is short and we must live it and treasure every moment of it. if we don't...it just might not be worth living. so what if you have a bad day or someone made you mad. what are you gonna do about it? how are you going to deal with it? we have all had a loved one pass on, right? how did you cope? what did you do to celebrate their life? did you celebrate it or did you just treat it as another day? how do you celebrate it years later? what did you learn if anything? people make mistakes. we are suppose to. if we don't, we would be perfect and NO ONE is perfect! we are to dust ourselves off, jump back up and move forward. i know i have said this before but it is all coming full circle and hitting me right in the face.

"it's the little things" i say, that mean the most. the "i love you most", the good nights, the kisses when you tuck the kids in bed, the smiles on faces, the smell of fresh cut grass, the "hellos" and so many more. i am done trying to figure this life out. i have decided it's time to LIVE it! to celebrate the little things. to say thaNk yOu when complimented, to smiLe when i really don't want to cause maybe someone is falling in love with mY smile. it's giving when you have nothing else to give.

so this blog is my creativity for the day. mY something new that made me laugh, cry and smile all at the same time. it's my time to say "thank you" to all of you. for your support, your words, your thoughts, your kindness, your friendship and love! thanks for all the things you continue to do for me in mY life!!

"i am ok, i am alright. though you have gone from my life. you said that it would, now everything should be alright". ~flogging molly

january 13, 2011
so i have been absent for a long while, have many "draft" blogs and still no posting from me. well i came home from the mayo hospital in phoenix last night. after all this time...we thought my aunt cindy was a cancer survivor!! all her PET scans came back good and things were somewhat back to "normal" for her. well not so...on december 23rd she went to the hospital for her 6 week stretch of her esophagus and she was admitted until january 2nd. on monday january 10th she was rushed to the er and admitted to the icu. family and friends were told to come. now it will be in the Lord's hands on His time. the cancer has spread all over. it's now in her liver and around her heart. i made a decision to drop what i was doing because i DO NOT want to have any regrets at the start of a new year or anymore in my life. i asked my 4 children if they would like to see their aunt cindy before she is called home. each one of them said "yes". so we packed our bags and off we went at 7pm to go to the valley. we arrived at 11pm, i settled them all in, we slept or at least the kids did and in the morning we headed to the hospital. each one of my precious children talked to their aunt and said they loved her. she allowed me to capture a photo {left my camera in the car} on my cell phone of my four children with our favorite aunt cindy!!

this photo will be cherished FOREVER along with the other ones and all the memories i have with her. aunt cindy...did i ever tell you you're my HERO!!! you're everything i wish i could be. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

today i am letting myself cry, letting my soul feel. today i am letting my body rest and trying to go to where the peace is. today i am reminded again what really is important in this life...FAMILY !!!

until next time my friends.
{{hugs}}
connie

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-13T23:15:00.005-07:00

day 13:

we made it home last night from new mexico having a wonderful family weekend. it was nice to be outside as we enjoyed watching dallin play soccer. we all got a little wind burned but overall the weekend weather was GREAT!!

i checked the mail as it hadn't been checked for a few days. what a surprise to see a wonderful little envelope addressed to me!! it was from my brave sister, lynda lindley, you can check out here blog {HERE}. on the outside of the envelope {where the post office stamps it}, was where i found my {heart} for day 13!

such a nice note was inside just for me. my {heart} is truly full and blessed to have some amaZing women in it. lynda, thank you for my sweet note, thank you for my {heart} for day 13.

may we always remember that our lives are truly filled with love and {hearts}. all you need to do is just open your eyes and look deeply.

happy {heart} hunting!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-12T20:51:00.005-07:00

day 12:

today we are in new mexico for my son dallin's soccer tournament. he joined a club soccer league and we decided to make it a family trip and go. my second oldest decided he rather stay at home. our weekend began friday evening as we loaded up the excursion, picked up two of dallin's friends/team mates and we were off. the first game was on saturday morning. the day was absolutely gorgeous, not a cloud in the sky!! while we were at the tournament there were still patches of snow around. as i stumbled over one of them i lookded down and saw a leaf in the snow. looking a little closer...a {heart}.

everywhere i tell ya, EVERYWHERE!!

happy beautiful {heart} hunting day to you!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-11T10:01:00.001-07:00

day 11:

after reading chrissy's post {here} about searching for {hearts} in the foods we eat, i was on the lookout. i had my son get take-out mexican food for dinner last night. mexican food is my ultimate weakness. i could eat it everyday if my body would allow it. totally forgetting about chrissy's blog post earlier in the day, i looked down to take a bite and there it was!! i had cut into my enchiladas and i see it...right there in my food, a cheesy {heart}!! i mean come on really? without even trying to make a {heart} i had cut two pieces off and ate the first bite and then went in for the second and it was there. right in my take out plate...a yummy {heart}. so whether you play with your food to make a {heart} or it is done by cutting into a yummy cheese enchilada...watch out...{hearts} are truly EVERYWHERE!!

happy {heart} hunting in your food today!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-10T09:51:00.008-07:00

day 10:

i already have my {heart} for day 10, woohoo!! this morning when i was getting the kids off to school, finishing the dishes and feeding the dog my phone went off. i had just received a text message from my wonderful sister in law wendy. i was sooo very excited to read it, then i noticed it was a forward. dang it! i thought she was checking in on me. well, this was even better.

i am truly blessed and loved by her. she doesn't even realize how special she is to me and our family. she has given my brother a wife, my mother and father 5 grand babies, her children a mother, me a sister in law and our family such loVe!!

i wanted to share the love and make sure you all know how much i love you!!! whether you read my blog or saw this on facebook please know YOU are loVed!! truly loved. i hope you feel it in your {heart} today and smile.

happy {heart} finding to you!!

a little daily truth from the brave girl club!!

2011-02-10T00:13:00.005-07:00

i thought i would share with you the daily truth from the brave girl club today.

Dear Beautiful Girl,

Whatever grows in your life is what has been planted there, what has been nurtured, fed and given time and attention.

What is growing there? What is it that has been planted in your one beautiful, precious life? Have you carefully planned the rows
of fruits, vegetables and flowers? Or are things growing there that blew in with the wind? Are weeds taking over?

It is never too late to "weed" your garden, and now is the perfect time to pull out the dead things, the unwanted things,
the overgrown things, and make room for the new growth that you are so badly yearning for.

Take a moment today to see what is truly growing in your life, and whether or not there is room for the things that you most
want to see the fruits of.

Be brave enough to pull out the unwanted things and get your life ready to lay the seeds of your wildest dreams.

YOU CAN DO IT!
xoxo

this hit my {heart} and i hope it touches yours too. you may sign up for brave girl's daily truths to enter your inbox every monday- friday too. just click {here} and sign up today. come on, be BRAVE!! i know i am.

{{hugs}}
connie

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-09T20:42:00.012-07:00

day 8 & 9:

today i was off to home depot and lowe's with my husband. i grabbed my keys and lock the door and what do you know? it's there, right on my key ring. the previous tenants of this home had it all along. i have had this for the past year and a half and never noticed it. do you see it? right there on my key ring.

here is a closer look!!

told you that you could find them everywhere!!

after we got home i checked my mail and had a wonderful surprise in it. i received a beautiful house warming gift from jeanne.

{letting go}

a bonus gift she sent me. {studious}

she is one of my brave sisters!! we were able to meet at the first brave girls camp in october 2009 and then a year later...we were both at brave girls camp 10.10, the one year anniversary!! she is one talented lady. you should check out all of her amaZing talent {here} on her website. when i opened the package she had written me a little note on the back of one of her post cards. after reading it, smiling {with a little tear in my eye} i noticed it. right there on the front of her card.

this is the front of her postcard.

take a look at the flower. can you see it yet?

ok so if you rotate it and look closely you will notice in the center there is a {heart}.

i don't know if jeanne knew this was there but for me...it was a great find!! extra love that is all around us, all within us if we just look deep enough. my {heart} is completely full today.

thanks jeanne for my wonderful gift. i can not wait to frame it and hang it in my new home. you are so thoughtful. one little act of kindness can change the world and you my friend do it with ease. i love you!!

happy {heart} finding!!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-07T08:35:00.001-07:00

day 7:

today was another busy day of painting so i didn't have time to search for a {heart}. when i went to get my mom at her house she has this little chair that my uncle made for her.

walla...{hearts}.

even if you don't have the time to search...they are everywhere.

happy {heart} finding my friends!!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-06T15:16:00.003-07:00

day 6:

happy super bowl sunday my friends!

i didn't get in any spectacular {heart} hunting in today. though when i was at my parents house with my son for the super bowl i found these {hearts} welcoming me into her home hanging on the wall.

i think i got plenty of {heart} love today. how could i not feel the love when i see our family {heart} calendar hanging on the wall. this is the place where we welcome a newbie to the family. we all are given a {heart} with our name and birth date on it. when we got married... one was added. when you had a baby...one was added. this was a great reminder of all the lOvE our family has been blessed with. what a wonderful welcome in deed!!

hoping you are welcomed by a wonderful {heart} today!!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-05T10:17:00.004-07:00

day 5:

REALLY???!!!!

this was in my tea this morning. i ran to get my camera and just as i snapped the shot it started to change. all my rushing to get my camera, made my tea foam move around. lucky enough...i got my shot!!

happy {heart} hunting my friends!!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-04T12:35:00.008-07:00

day 4:

as i was leaving my house to head to my new home to paint i noticed my entire front lawn was flooded. YES, flooded!! about a foot of water covered my entire front yard. as i frantically searched for the shut off valve {with no luck} i called my landlord. i am only guessing that the water had been running 2-3 hours. i could not believe this was how my weekend was going to start. finally got the water under control and headed to the new house. mom and i were going to paint for the umpteen day! i was tired and hungry so we decided to get some lunch before we started. my mom had been there since 9 am so she was ready for a break. we headed to the van when we noticed we couldn't lock the front door. WHAT?? i tried all the keys and none of them worked. not only did we get lunch but i headed to ace hardware for a new deadbolt. could this day get any worse i thought. when i got home all i wanted was calgone to take me away but...i couldn't because i had NO water!

the only positive to my day was spending it with my mom and finding this when i got home. my son had left the hose connected to the hose bib and it froze. the plumber had fixed the broken pipe and after all the water soaked in i found this beauty. my frozen hose lying on the ground.

glad to have a {heart} end my day and finally put a smile on my face!!

happy {heart} hunting!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-03T09:36:00.004-07:00

day 3:

this is usually how i am feeling {on my picture}. you would find me with a huge smile on my face. today not so much. i did however find a {heart} and i want to get out of this fuNk. maybe remembering what this {heart} stands for will help that. i made a heidi swapp clock for tom on valentine's day a couple of years ago. it was the beginning of our relationship and it now reminds us of how far we have come. hope you find a {heart} in your life to share with.

happy {heart} hunting!

one of those days...

2011-02-03T09:23:00.002-07:00

ever had one of those days where you are just in a fuNk?

i am feeling it today!!

i can't seem to get out of bed.

i don't feel like accomplishing anything today. {but i have}

i really just want to curl up in bed, with some warm tea, watch useless tv shows, cry a little and maybe fall asleep.

it this wrong?

i should be living my life full of LOVE and BRAVERY!!

i should be thinking about all the GOOD in my life.

i should be thanking God for the time i have here on earth.

i should be grateful for what i have.

i should be happy!!

today is just one of those days and i don't' know how to get out of this fuNk!!

sorry, this isn't an upbeat blog.

i think i just needed to get it out, read it and try to deal with today.

i hope your day is going better than mine.

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-02T13:04:00.007-07:00

day 2:

today i was starting to take my pictures off the wall so we can get ready to move by the end of the month. while doing so guess what i found? my day 2 of finding {hearts}.

i had this hanging on my wall just above my family photo area. i have my entire family hanging on this wall. all three sides for my family and now i need to add another for tom's. families are forever and full of lOvE!! nice way to find my {heart} for the day.

happy {heart} hunting my friends!!

finding {hearts}...my way

2011-02-01T11:33:00.001-07:00

day 1:

I am trying to take on the challenge of my dear friend chrissy {here}. we are to look for hearts all around us for 14 days. i thought this was perfect for the first day.

i think this works for me!! i use my laptop pretty much every day and low and behold this {heart} was right next to my hands. i didn't even notice it until i looked more deeply. next to me daily by my right hand. {hearts} are all around us if we just open our mind and our {hearts} and look.

happy {heart} hunting!!

just what my heart needed!!

2011-01-28T09:06:00.004-07:00

i have been struggling lately with what life has handed me.
i keep asking the question "why"?
i finally got on my knees and had a talk with God.
i didn't get all my questioned answered but i know He heard me and the answers will come when He wants me to know them.
i may not be a very religious person these days but i AM a very spiritual one.
i do talk with God.
i do read the bible.
i do talk to my bishop now and then.
i do try and walk in a straight path.
i am Christlike.

with all of this heartache i came across a couple of my friend's blogs.
chrissy {HERE} & jeanne {HERE}
it is just what my heart needed.
i have decided that i am going to take on these challenges.
you know sometimes love isn't touchable or visible.
sometimes you look through it or pass it by.
sometimes you just fEeL it!!
so for 14 days in february and every friday i am going to take a deep look into LOVE!
i am going to open my eyes and look around me.
look inside of myself.
share with others.
love deeper.
{{hug}} longer
and capture what i find.

i will be taking a picture of "hearts".
i will be taking pictures of "love".
i will be looking high and low
far and wide
inside and out!

thank you chrissy and jeanne for this small reminder.
thank you for taking the time to notice "hearts" and love.
thank you for sharing your love and hearts with me.

i am truly blessed!
today my heart is grateful.

a helping hand...

2011-01-24T10:18:00.002-07:00

Many of you have asked how you can help out my Aunt and our family.

The Mesa Police Department is having a BBQ fundraiser to benefit my Aunt Cindy Biesemeyer on Wed Jan 26th from 11 - 2pm in the Central PD parking lot @ 1st and Robson.

If you can't attend, there is a bank account @ Wells Fargo for donations, acct #1343926158.

My Aunt and Uncle could really use the help as Aunt Cindy has been forced to retire and Uncle Dan lost his job in November.

THANK YOU!

Your love, support and prayers help more than you know.

happy 16th dallin!!

2011-01-17T02:06:00.000-07:00

it's hard to believe my baby boy is 16 today!!

where did all those years go?

dallin has grown into such a great young man.

he is very caring and sensitive.

something to be treasured.

i am truly honored and blessed to be his mother.

as it is my job to love and nurture my children.

dallin, i want you to know how proud i am of YOU.

i want you to know what a blessing you are in MY life!

i want you to feel loved.

i want you to be happy.

i want you to succeed in life.

i want you to dream and dream big.

i want you to always know, that no matter what...

I LOVE YOU!!

thanks for being an example to me.

thanks for showing love to your family.

thanks for choosing good friends.

thanks for being protective over your loved ones.

thanks for showing others how to be a child of God.

thanks for being YOU!!

may you have a wonderful day and enjoy it...

you are only 16 once.

love always and forever,

your mom!

i love you aunt cindy!!

2011-01-13T10:31:00.007-07:00

re-post of a couple blogs entries and a new one.

Thursday, February 19, 2009
trying to understand...

i am having a really difficult time right now. we seem to always think things are bad in our lives. that our lives are so full of negativity and crap. then...you hear of someone else's life. you sit back and say to yourself... it could be worse, right? well, i feel like mY family has been hit with a ton of bricks. my aunt cindy, the one that i am always quoting here was just diagnosed with rare stomach and esophageal cancer. our family is still in shock! we are asking any of you who feel the need to help us find the right doctors for her to fast and pray. we are doing a family fast saturday night until sunday at 4 pm. any and all prayers are so much appreciated. it's a true test of faith when something like this occurs. you have all sorts of emotions...denial, anger, fear, frustration and so much more. you wonder why them? why would God do this to someone so righteous. someone who has so much to give and so much more to offer. you are so full of emotions that you wish it was a dream. well, it's not and now we have to face this with positiveness and hope. hope to find the right doctors for this rare cancer. hope that she and her family will stay strong. hope that her body will do all it can to continue to hold on. i am sooo blessed to have my aunt in my life. she has taught me more than she knows. she is a true child of God and i am honored to call her my aunt. may we all remember that this life is short. that you never know what God has in store for you. that you treat each day as if it were your last. that you love always, laugh much and forgive others! i love you aunt cindy! you are my hero!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009
tHaNk yOu

it's been awhile since i have written. tOdaY is a daY i need to write! i have so much to be thankful for. so much to love and live for. my blessing are flowing over and i just can't seem to get it all out today.

don't know why but i started renting movies from netflix. i do know why...the movie rentals and late fees are outrageous! one of the first movies i received is ps. i love you. oh my gosh!!! why have i not seen this movie before. i mean, come on...it's been out for 2 years now. maybe it wasn't the right time to see it. then when i got it and read the cover...i thought, do i want to watch this movie right now. with all that is going on in my life and with my aunt, i just can't. i have had this movie for 5 days and i put it in this morning. WOW is all i can say. i took so much out of this movie. life is short and we must live it and treasure every moment of it. if we don't...it just might not be worth living. so what if you have a bad day or someone made you mad. what are you gonna do about it? how are you going to deal with it? we have all had a loved one pass on, right? how did you cope? what did you do to celebrate their life? did you celebrate it or did you just treat it as another day? how do you celebrate it years later? what did you learn if anything? people make mistakes. we are suppose to. if we don't, we would be perfect and NO ONE is perfect! we are to dust ourselves off, jump back up and move forward. i know i have said this before but it is all coming full circle and hitting me right in the face.

"it's the little things" i say, that mean the most. the "i love you most", the good nights, the kisses when you tuck the kids in bed, the smiles on faces, the smell of fresh cut grass, the "hellos" and so many more. i am done trying to figure this life out. i have decided it's time to LIVE it! to celebrate the little things. to say thaNk yOu when complimented, to smiLe when i really don't want to cause maybe someone is falling in love with mY smile. it's giving when you have nothing else to give.

so this blog is my creativity for the day. mY something new that made me laugh, cry and smile all at the same time. it's my time to say "thank you" to all of you. for your support, your words, your thoughts, your kindness, your friendship and love! thanks for all the things you continue to do for me in mY life!!

"i am ok, i am alright. though you have gone from my life. you said that it would, now everything should be alright". ~flogging molly

january 13, 2011
so i have been absent for a long while, have many "draft" blogs and still no posting from me. well i came home from the mayo hospital in phoenix last night. after all this time...we thought my aunt cindy was a cancer survivor!! all her PET scans came back good and things were somewhat back to "normal" for her. well not so...on december 23rd she went to the hospital for her 6 week stretch of her esophagus and she was admitted until january 2nd. on monday january 10th she was rushed to the er and admitted to the icu. family and friends were told to come. now it will be in the Lord's hands on His time. the cancer has spread all over. it's now in her liver and around her heart. i made a decision to drop what i was doing because i DO NOT want to have any regrets at the start of a new year or anymore in my life. i asked my 4 children if they would like to see their aunt cindy before she is called home. each one of them said "yes". so we packed our bags and off we went at 7pm to go to the valley. we arrived at 11pm, i settled them all in, we slept or at least the kids did and in the morning we headed to the hospital. each one of my precious children talked to their aunt and said they loved her. she allowed me to capture a photo {left my camera in the car} on my cell phone of my four children with our favorite aunt cindy!!

today i am letting myself cry, letting my soul feel. today i am letting my body rest and trying to go to where the peace is. today i am reminded again what really is important in this life...FAMILY !!!

until next time my friends.
{{hugs}}
connie

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 30

2010-11-30T01:42:00.002-07:00

day 30:
grateful for the month of november!

i was truly reminded to have an {attitude of gratitude} for the month of november. may i remind myself daily of my blessing and be grateful for them always.

day 30: did you celebrate the month of november full of {attitude of gratitude}?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 29

2010-11-29T10:33:00.001-07:00

day 29:
grateful for my beautiful baby girl, haleigh!

day 29: what are you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 28

2010-11-28T08:32:00.001-07:00

day 28:

grateful for my youngest son dallin!

day 28: what are you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 27

2010-11-27T05:46:00.001-07:00

day 27:
grateful for my oldest son austin!

today is austin's 20th birthday. i can't believe my baby is 2o!! where did all the years go? i am so grateful for him and his life. he is a TRUE example of christ. my life is eternally blessed because of him.

happy birthday austin!!

mom loves you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. that's how much i love you!!

day 27: what are you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 26

2010-11-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

day 26:

grateful for my son trevor!

day 26: what are you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 25

2010-11-25T08:25:00.001-07:00

day 25:
grateful for a day to give thanks!

happy THANKSgiving to you and yours today. my gift of thanks is that you may truly count your blessing. that you can be grateful today and EVERY day for the gift of life. that you share your life and love with others. that you remember those that are less fortunate than you. that you give thanks to the lord for all of your blessing {good and bad}. i am thankful for my life, my family and my friends. love and blessing to you all. have a wonderfully, blessed day of thanks.

day 25: truly count your blessing today!

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 24

2010-11-24T10:04:00.002-07:00

day 24:
grateful for my kids!! a true blessing.

what more can i say? i am one blessed momma!!

i may not get to share thanksgiving with them this year but that doesn't mean i am not grateful. i am blessed every day for the life i get to share with my kids. i truly don't know what i would do without them. they are my world and what a gift they are. god is so great to allow me this amaZing blessing. just being near them and feeling their sweet love is a blessing from above.

day 24: what do your kids do that bless your life?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 23

2010-11-23T10:23:00.002-07:00

day 23:
grateful for pain. not always fun, but grateful!

tonight was a tough night for me. it's not easy raising children and many of you know that. there is no manual, no right or wrong way, just what you know. just what your heart and mind tells you to do. being from a divorced family and then a blended family i am fimiular with what my children are going through. i feel their pain. my heart aches everytime they hurt. whether it be from someone hurting them or feeling unloved. i struggle to know the right way to help them. i think back at how i was helped when i was younger. what help i wanted, the help i didn't want and what my heart really wanted.

pain isn't always the most fun but i know it is something we all must go through.

day 23: what pain are

you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 22

2010-11-22T22:22:00.003-07:00

day 22:
grateful for clear roads.

so today i needed to take my eldest son to the ent specialist in flagstaff. the night before they had their first big snow storm. i was worried that i would have to drive on the highway with big semi trucks in the SNOW! what i didn't realize is that even though it had snowed, it hadn't snowed enough. it wasn't cold enough either for the snow to stay on the roads. the mountains had snow and there was some small patches on the side of the roads but none on the highway. YAY!! snow is so beautiful. i am grateful for it's beauty and what it gives to the earth. i don't mind it at all, as long as i don't have to drive in it.

day 22: what beauty of nature are you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 21

2010-11-21T10:21:00.002-07:00

day 21:
grateful i was taught how to cook and bake. today a lot of this was done. 2 types of cookies, banana bread and for dinner homemade cheesy broccoli soup.

i have always loved to create and make new dishes. when i was younger i was taught the basics on how to cook and bake. now today... i have a real hard time following any recipe. i do much better make things from scratch. the only bad part...when it turns out great and everyone loved it, i don't always remember what went in it. lol. i only wish i spent more time with my grandma when she lived here having her to teach me how to make homemade pie crust. one thing i am jealous that my brother can do and i can't. oh well...at least learning the basics is what i am grateful for. maybe i will just have to make a special trip to pennsylvania just to have grandma teach me.

day 21: what favorite recipe are you grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 20

2010-11-20T22:03:00.001-07:00

day 20:
grateful for fast food.

some days i just don't want to cook!! period.

day 20: what are you grateful for, big or small and silly?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 19

2010-11-19T10:12:00.001-07:00

day 19:
grateful for the 45 life lessons!

Written by Regina Brett,of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift!!

day 19: your life is a gift...now live it!!

i love you.

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 18

2010-11-18T10:11:00.004-07:00

day 18:
grateful i went to cosmo school so i can save money cutting my families hair.

i can not tell you how much money i have saved over the last 20 years just by cutting my families hair. boys who need hair cuts every 6 weeks and a daughter who is always changing her mind. we have even donated haleigh's hair to locks of love. i am truly grateful that i went to cosmetology school when i was younger. this has been a blessing in my life. now if only i would go back and actually get my license...nah. ok, maybe some day.

day 18: what talent have you been blessed with that goes unnoticed?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 17

2010-11-17T14:28:00.004-07:00

day 17:
grateful for FAFSA!! getting trevor ready for college. :)

it's hard to believe i have a child old enough to attend college! i actually have 2 of college age but just one ready to attend. what is hard to grasp is the cost for him to go. we were not fortunate to get any scholarships but were told about FAFSA. we filled out the paperwork and hope that we can get some assistance. sometimes it's just the small things in life that make you realize how grateful you truly are. trevor is excited and ready to go...i just don't know if i am. :(

day 17: what are you grateful for tOdaY?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 16

2010-11-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

day 16:

i am grateful for Lifeshare!!

i love making and sending cards to people. in the years past i would handcraft over 100 christmas cards. yikes! now with lifeshare...i can design and personalize a card, lifeshare will address and mail it for me and all at a low cost of only $1.32. yep, only $1.32 for a folded 5 1/2 x 8 1/2 card!! not only do they do photo cards but you can also do photo books. how cool is that?!

my life has just gotten easier and less stressful all because of lifeshare! i can not thank them enough for allowing me to make a card so personal to send to anyone...just because! i can't wait to start my christmas cards now. look out friends...a card may be coming to your mail box soon.

here are just some of the cards i eNjoYed making.

would you like to know more about lifeshare? check out the link {HERE} watch the video, look around and made a free card. if you have any questions...give me a call. i would love for you to eNjoY sending smiles to your family and friends too.

day 16: have you shared a smile lately? why not make someones day by sending a card...just because?!!

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 15

2010-11-15T12:26:00.010-07:00

day 15:
grateful for Chickadee Bead Art i received the most beautiful watch and necklace!! ♥ ♥ ♥

so after attending brave girls camp in october i fell in lOvE with chickadee bead art. maria is a brave girl and at the end of the 10.10 brave girl camp she made us all a brave girls bracelet.

such a beautiful gift and a great reminder of all the wonderful things that happens at brave girl camp. when i got home i checked out her etsy shop and went shopping! i ordered a wonderful black & silver choker and a black watch face with a red & black bracelet. don't have a picture of my watch yet. let me tell ya, i was in heaven! maria handcrafts such beautiful jewelry. you must check her etsy shop out!! {HERE} it's perfect timing too, christmas is just around the corner.

day 15: what piece of jewelry are you grateful for that you are wearing right now?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 14

2010-11-14T14:25:00.005-07:00

day 14:
for friends that help end a weekend on a happy note! Thanks bff Deb and Frank & Nicole Di Marco. xoxo

sometimes all you need are friends. i am truly blessed to have some special people in my life.

deb and i have known each other since we were 13 and have been best friends for over 18 years. i don't know what i would do without her in my life. i love you deb!! thanks for being my friend through thick and thin.

frank & nicole are so amaZing! i was blessed to gain them as friends when i married tom. i can not tell you how much fun it is hanging out with these two. they are italian & greek and just full of fuN!! i only wished we lived closer so we could spend more time together. another reason i wish we lived closer is so that nicole could teach me how to make some greek food. love you guys and i am blessed to have you be a part of my life.

day 14: be grateful for all the people in your life and

be thankful you have friends!

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 13

2010-11-13T14:24:00.005-07:00

day 13:
i am grateful for sleep in saturday with nothing on the schedule.

some days it's just wonderful to turn off the alarm and sleep in! my saturday was so full of excitement then all my plans were cancelled. it was great to turn off the alarm and just sleep in. sometimes the body just needs it.

day 13: what did you do for yourself that you are grateful for?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 12

2010-11-12T09:23:00.007-07:00

day 12:
i am very grateful for my good friend Janna Keever Landis.

janna and i have been friends since 2004. we first met when i attended a scrapbook trade show, cha in dallas, texas in 2004. she was my scrapbook rep for my scrapbook store. i eventually closed my store and started working with her and her amaZing company janna gifts, etc. i was her northern arizona rep for all the scrapbook/craft stores in the area. while repping janna and i became good friends. i have many fond traveling memories with her and will cherish them forever {red vines}. we have also shared many creative escapes together as well. i just love being around her. i am so blessed that our paths crossed over 6 years ago and i am very grateful to call her my friend!

i love you janna and thanks for being my friend. i hope we continue to make many more memories.

day 12: who are you grateful for that you have fuN,

fond memories of?

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 11

2010-11-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

day 11:
grateful for those in my family who serve(d) our country in the united states military past & present. my grandfather, gilbert capron (dec) army; uncles, matt capron (ret) army, jeff wallace navy, ken wallace (ret) air force & my siblings, kelly rose air force, jeremy capron active army & jr sibble (ret) army. on veteran's day, and each day, we appreciate your service to our country.

we are so blessed to live in a country where we have freedom in almost everything we do. i am so thankful for all of my family members who have served and continue to serve this great country of ours. i am thankful for all of the brave men and women who have fought for my families freedom. who lost their lives fighting for the united states of america. for the families who support and sacrifice so much for their soldier to be serving this great country.

may we remember on this veteran's day ALL who served this country so bravely. i solute you and thank you with all my heart.

day 11: please honor those who served, do serve and will continue to serve!

the rest is still unwritten...

*don't quit*

happy birthday to my baby boy

1.12.12

goodbye 2011

repost of sticks & stones...

traditions...lOvE them!

loving YOU

missing my little brother

all. most. caught. up.

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i'm never going to catch up...

prayers.

tOdaY...

happy birthday dad!

be still and listen...it's worth it!

going, going, gone...

oh me, oh my...

lend a hand...

today...

machines that save...

simple things...

wallow fire

my first canvas {and i love it}!!

happy memorial day!

she did it!!

creative escape preview day

original...

happy birthday trevor!!

aunt cindy's birthday celebration...

two wonderful birthdays...

happy birthday tom!!

happy birthday mom!!

CLOSED...

happy??

thankful

Joan Elaine McCarty Biesemeyer

Cindy Lou Capron Biesemeyer

final good-bye...

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

a little daily truth from the brave girl club!!

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

one of those days...

finding {hearts}...my way

finding {hearts}...my way

just what my heart needed!!

a helping hand...

happy 16th dallin!!

i love you aunt cindy!!

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 30

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 29

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 28

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 27

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 26

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 25

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 24

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 23

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 22

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 21

{Attitude of Gratitude} day 20

don't quit